


Heartbeats

by McRaider



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Gen, Good Dad Owen Strand, Owen Strand loves his kid, September 11 Attacks, TK Strand is thankful to have Owen as a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McRaider/pseuds/McRaider
Summary: Owen wasn’t sure he would ever fully understand his son’s need to press his ear directly over Owen’s heart, but all he knew was that it made him love his precious son so much more. Pre Series 5 + 1
Comments: 4
Kudos: 130





	Heartbeats

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Like Hell](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23933806) by [romeoandjulietyouwish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish). 



> The character in 9/11, as well as the gentleman named Bob, are both real, I work for said company and it is a large part of what has made our company what it is today.

  1. Five Days Old



It was the longest five days of his life, which seemed unreal since he’d been a firefighter for the better part of ten years now. But here they were, with a five-day old infant who wanted to scream his head off and fuss for hours. He didn’t want to be put down or he’d scream, he didn’t want to sleep or he’d scream. It was exhausting and a little terrifying and Owen knew his wife was at her wits end with their newborn son. They’d had him checked out, he was eating relatively well, he just wasn’t settling. 

Owen’s mother-in-law finally insisted she take Gwen out for some time away, leaving Owen alone with his newborn infant son. Owen would like to say that as a firefighter, there wasn’t much he was afraid of, but as he gently patted his son’s back as they walked around the small two-bedroom NY apartment, the man had to admit he was at a loss of what to do with the little guy. 

Owen himself was exhausted, he hadn’t slept for more than ten minutes at a time when he did sleep. So he made his way into their bedroom. His mother-in-law was largely against co-sleeping, and Owen knew at this age it could be dangerous, so he made sure to build a small fort of pillows and sleep in the center of the bed, so that he wouldn’t turn and so that if Tyler did fall off of him, he’d at least have the pillows near him. 

Owen lay down in the middle of his pillow trench and gently brought his son to his chest. He was surprised when the infant went quiet. He was starting to think the kid didn’t have an off switch. He felt some small wiggles and adjustments before he felt Tyler’s head settle almost directly over his heart. There were a few small snuffles from the infant before Owen felt his little body relax and for a single moment, Owen forgot how to breathe. He looked down at the sight of the dark-haired baby now quietly cooing and sucking his middle and ring finger as he slowly began to drift off to sleep. 

It seemed to hit Owen all at once, he was a father, he felt an uptick in his heartbeat and breathing, what the hell had he been thinking, he wasn’t cut out to be a dad, was he? He was still obsessed with his hair. He felt a tiny pat on his chest and looked up to see his son had planted both his tiny little hands on his chest. Owen also realized at that moment, it was already far too late to call this off, because as he sat and stared at his dark-haired baby who had his eyes and had his gassy grin, Owen was in deeper than he ever imagined possible. 

With shaking hands, Owen slowly put them on his son’s back, feeling his little breaths, his small wiggles. If Owen felt tears dripping from his eyes, he’d never tell a soul as he gently let his fingers brush the little curls of hair at the base of his son’s skull. “Christ I love you kid,” he murmured softly as he just lay there, his little boy sleeping as he listened to the sound of his daddy’s heartbeat. 

  1. Nightmares and Daddy



He’d just come off a brutal twenty-four-hour shift, he felt like he could sleep for years. He knew his wife had warned their toddler not to bother daddy while he slept, but Owen woke to the sound of his door being opened, he glanced over to see his wife’s side of the bed empty, not unusual these days. He looked over as the little boy moved towards him nervously. 

“Hey TK, what’s wrong?” Owen asked as his son stood at the edge of the bed. This close, Owen could see the boy had been crying, his red eyes puffy, his hair in disarray. 

A small hiccuped sob escaped his son before Owen reached over and swept him up, sitting TK on his stomach, “What’s up bubba?” he asked gently as he caressed his son’s head and neck, trying to calm him. 

“Bad dream,” he sobbed. 

“Awww, buddy, it’s okay, come here,” he soothed as he guided his son to lay on top of him, there would come a day when his little boy wasn’t little anymore and wouldn’t be capable of lying on his father to let the man’s heartbeat soothe him. Thankfully, that day still seemed far off. Until then, Owen watched his son’s eyes slid shut in contentment as an ear settled over his father’s heart. The cries softened and soon his son was holding one of his hands while Owen gently rubbed his back with the other. 

“That’s my boy,” he murmured as he watched the little guy settling more. “Want to tell me about the nightmare?” 

“You didn’ come home,” TK murmured. 

Owen closed his eyes, cursing both his job and his wife for potentially putting those doubts into the boy’s mind. Of course, he couldn’t promise he’d always come home, no parent could. But Owen knew his boy needed some soothing at this point. “Tyler,” he whispered, a name he rarely called his son, despite his wife’s continued insisting. Dark eyes met his, “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I will always be there. What I can tell you, is that you will always be in my heart and you will always be the reason I fight with every ounce of my body to stay alive and come home, do you understand?” He asked. 

Little arms clutched him around his chest in a hug, and he felt the nod against his breastbone. “Love you, daddy,” he heard

Owen smiled, the familiar feeling of delight in his stomach, and the breathlessness those words gave him knowing he mattered so much to someone. “I love you too, kiddo. So much. 

  1. Flu



Owen knew his marriage was on the rocks, frankly, it had been for a while, but he’d spent a large portion of the week working with his house, he knew he wasn’t ranking very high on his wife’s ‘people of the week’ list. So when the call came in that TK was sick and the nurse’s office had been unable to reach his wife, Owen didn’t hesitate to get his second in command to take over and he headed to the elementary school. 

He knew, despite what his wife thought, that she had court all day, so he knew it’d be just the two of them. He’d taken a sick day to care for his kid and pulled his truck into the school parking lot. 

Stepping out, he took a deep breath and cast a look up and around him, the school was in the middle of the city, he could see the twin towers from here, and they never failed to make him smile. He loved this city, squaring his shoulders, he headed into the school, immediately heading to the left where the main offices were as well as the nurse’s office. 

“Captain Strand,” he was greeted by the receptionist, a kindly older woman with graying hair. 

“Ms. Bowers, I hear I’ve got a sick kiddo.” 

“You can go on the back, last I heard he was sleeping,” she informed him pointing to the left where a small hallway led to the nurse’s office. As promised, there on a cot, looking painfully tiny was his TK. Dark hair making his pale and sweaty features all the more obvious. Crouching down beside his son, he reached his hand out, carding his finger’s through the boy’s soft hair. Blue-green eyes opened and fluttered up at him, “Daddy,” the little boy mumbled miserably, his little lip pouting and eyes wet with tears. 

“It’s all right, big guy, I’m here,” he smiled as he gently slid his hands under his son’s arms and lifted the far too pliable little boy into his arms. Instantly like a little squid, arms and legs were wrapped around him and a feverish forehead pressing into his neck. 

“Oh, wonderful you’re here. His fever isn’t terribly high, just under 100, but you know the signs to look for,” the nurse offered as she bustled into the room and washed her hands. 

“Yep, I’ll go sign him out, thanks for calling,” he gave her his best warm smile before he squeezed his little man a little tighter and carried him back to the front office to check him out, grabbing his backpack and jacket on the way. 

“Feel better Tyler,” Ms. Bowers called, as the fire Captain and his son left the office. 

Owen got TK home and once inside their small apartment, he settled TK down in his bedroom, getting him changed into something more comfortable and cool for sleeping in. Owen was about to stand and get them something to eat when two small hands shot out and snatched his larger one. Stopping Owen in his tracks, he stepped back and sat down on the bed beside his son. 

“What’s up kiddo?” He asked, gently rubbing his son’s chest. 

“Don’t leave, please,” the little boy pleaded and Owen was certain he felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. 

Owen smiled as he kicked off his shoes and lay down beside his boy, gently he helped the five-year-old crawl upon his chest and settle his head right over Owen’s heart. “Kiddo, I’m never going to leave you, not by choice,” he murmured, his heart and chest full of so much love for the little child rapidly falling asleep on his chest as he took comfort in the sound of his daddy’s beating heart. 

  1. Sept 14, 2001 (the + 1) 



Owen Strand wasn’t an overly religious man, he didn’t consider himself faithful in the sense that he went to church every week or prayed every night. But for the last three days, all he had been doing was praying. To find another survivor, another firefighter or first responder. 

He was, in a word, completely and utterly exhausted, he was coated in dust and debris, on the outside and probably on the inside. He’d spoken to his wife once since the towers fell and little since then. 

As he made his way up to his high rise, legs shaking from exertion, he couldn’t help but cast a glance up at the small building and feel an unnerving quell of fear. Owen had to stop, take a few short and hacking breaths before he remembered no one would likely target an unimportant apartment complex. His fingers gripped the rail up the stairs as he forced his feet to ascend each step. 

His whole body was shaking as the memories from the last three days tried to overwhelm him. He wasn’t sure when the tears had started and honestly he didn’t think he had any left. He made it inside the front door before he collapsed against the nearest wall desperately trying to pull air into his abused and scared lungs. 

He felt, rather than heard someone saying something around him, felt hands on his shoulders briefly, someone wrap an arm around his shoulders. He was vaguely aware that it was one of his neighbors, a nice middle-aged gentleman...he was actually sure.. Turning his head Owen looked up at a man he knew worked in the South tower, for a financial company. He’d run their fire drills half a dozen times, always run by the same guy who always insisted everyone participate. 

“How?” He asked the company had owned fifty floors, most of the higher ones in the south tower. 

“Bob, he called everyone he could to tell us to get out...he’s…” the man let out a shaky sigh, “He’s the reason almost all of us survived. Only eleven employees are missing, Bob included.” The man explained, rubbing Owen’s shoulder. “But it’s men and women like you and Bob that got me home to my wife and kids.” 

Owen nodded his thanks before he heard the elevator ding and saw his little boy come rushing towards him, “DADDY!” TK wept as he crashed into his father. Owen didn’t even care, he wrapped his arms to tight around the boy, determined to never let go. 

Gwen followed a bit more calm, but all the same, she knelt down in front of her husband and pulled him into her arms. Owen sat there, caught between heaven and sobbing, listening to the twin heartbeats of his wife and only child as he tried desperately to compose himself, all the while wondering what had they done to deserve this. 

People loitered around the lobby, some standing at attention and saluting the firefighter, some saying prayers, but all offering their love and support to a man who’d just been at ground zero, another man who would make it home. 

If TK slept in his mother and father’s bed for the next month after that, if Owen went out of his way to check up on his little boy and wife, if he did everything within his power to be present at the moment for the next month, well no one could really blame the man. As September cleared and life slowly began to inch it’s way back to normal, Owen would have his hands full rebuilding an entire fire station, his marriage would crumble but he’d become the first fire captain in history to rebuild his station from the ground up. Owen assumed that it was worth something. Certainly, not all the lives lost, but it was worth something. 

  1. Thirteen and a little Lost



Four years...four years, six months, two weeks and three days, that’s how long TK had known he wasn’t like other boys. While other boys spoke about cute girls and the latest porn they found, TK remained silent, nervous because he was clearly broken, he didn’t like girls, had no interest in them whatsoever. Now older and knowing there were at least a few more out there like him. 

He’d spent the first few years after his parents’ divorce living with his mom, but lately, she and he had been struggling to get along and to understand one another, so he’d moved in with his father and started visiting her on the weekends. 

Today he was with his dad, his dad was off of work, they were off to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island together. More than that, though, TK had decided he was going to tell his father today. He didn’t  _ think  _ his father would be upset, he knew the man loved his son, but could he love his gay son? 

Arriving home, he saw his father looking through his wallet, likely to ensure he had his ID and money for their trip, the man looked up, blue eyes gleaming at the sight of his kid, “Hey kiddo, you ready?” Owen asked. He’d been looking forward to this all week. 

“Almost...dad, can...can I talk to you about something?” 

Owen nodded, sitting down in one of the kitchen chairs he watched his son nervously twist his hands, he could tell something had been bothering his kid lately. Owen had an idea of what it was, but he knew his son needed to say it out loud. “Of course, you can talk to me about anything, TK, what’s wrong?” 

TK sighed, pacing slightly before he leaned against the small kitchen island, “Dad…” he sighed, he knew this wasn’t going to be easy of course, but suddenly his mouth tasted dry like sand, and it felt like his throat had been locked. Closing his eyes, he took a slow deep breath, “Dad, I need you to know something about me, and who...who I am.” 

Owen studied his son, he could see the kid was bordering on a panic attack, despite all the love Owen tried to pour into the kid. “Hey,” he said softly, catching his son’s eyes, “TK, son, whatever you’ve got to say, isn’t going to change how much I love you.” 

“How can you be sure?” TK asked, biting on his lip. 

Owen stood and came over to his son, standing in front of him, reaching out, he gently cupped the boy’s face in his hands and smiled, before he pulled the kid to his chest, ear right over his heart. “TK as long as you hear that beating, I promise you, that heart will always love you, complete and absolutely. You are my son, no matter what you do, or,” he paused pulling his son back just enough to meet his eyes. “Who you love.” 

TK’s eyes widened slightly, “You know?” 

Owen shook his head, “I had a hunch, TK, it doesn’t change anything.” 

“Really?” 

Owen chuckled and pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead, “TK I had a hunch you might be gay when you were four and insisted on always being the best-dressed pre-schooler. Son, I love you, no matter what. Period, no exceptions.” 

TK nodded, tears pouring down his cheeks as he pressed his head once more to his father’s chest, listening to the sound of the familiar thump beneath his ear. “I love you, daddy,” he murmured. 

Owen smiled, burying his face in his son’s soft hair, “I love you too, kid. So much.” 

  1. I’m Sorry, Dad



TK let out a gasp, followed by vomiting up the drugs he’d taken, before he carefully sat up and started sobbing, “Dad?” he cried as he pressed his ear to his father's chest, listening to the heartbeat once more. “Dad?” 

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” Owen repeated over and over as he allowed the panicked feeling slowly inch it’s way out of his body as he clutched his now living boy close. His precious boy. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry,” he kept whimpering. 

As Owen clutched his son close the idea that maybe he hadn’t done enough, maybe his boy had been trying to kill himself was enough to leave the incredibly strong firefighter feeling scraped hollow. 

“Captain, we need to take him to the ER, just to be safe,” his medic said. 

Owen nodded, allowing for the two of them to be separated, while he followed them down to the ambulance and into the back of the bus. As TK lay on the gurney miserably staring at the ceiling, no doubt to avoid discussing what had just happened, Owen found his hand reaching out of its own accord. Until it pressed to TK’s sternum just below his breast bones, the feeling of nothingness haunted him from earlier, but ultimately after a moment, he felt the flutter beneath his fingers. 

Relief filled him, unlike anything he could even begin to describe, he had to bite back a sob as he felt his son grip his hand. Now he understood why his son always listened to his heartbeat, the feeling of the beating beneath his hand a constant reminder that the most important person in his world was still with him despite all odds. 

“I am sorry,” TK whispered, turning his head. 

“We can talk about it later, for now, I’m just glad you’re alright,” Owen whispered, his voice husky and filled with exhaustion. 


End file.
